I don't know how I have managed to do it, but I have somehow warded off the ant invasion of the house. I know they are coming though, and I'm cringing and annoyed.
So, today I thought I would try and thwart the oncoming onslaught by super cleaning the house (basically checking all nooks and cranny's for food the kids can't manage to throw away). I was able to get the entire downstairs cleaned rather uneventfully and then I went upstairs.
Upstairs is where I cried.
A lot.
The smell of the upstairs hallway should have warned me as I got closer to the boys' room, but silly me...I shook it off and thought it was just the house smelling all humid.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
I walked into James and Wyatt's room to find the following:
2 Bags of Chips - open and half eaten
3 bowls of cereal WITH MILK STILL IN THEM
15 Fruit snack wrappers...and 15 is being modest. There might have been 1,000
6 Cups of Juice...some full to the top. Some empty.
AN EMPTY GARBAGE CAN
Something red smeared into the carpet
Fruit snacks stuck to the bed
A BAKED POTATO
3 slices of pizza, some on plates...some not
I stood there, taking in all of Wyatt and James's gross glory and cursed a blue streak.
Then I cried.
Then I YELLED.
"JAMES! WYATT! Get up here NOW!"
They both appeared in the doorway completely nonchalant.
"What" they said in unison.
"What do you mean, 'what'? I said.
They said, "Why y'all mad?
I said, "THIS! THIS IS WHY I AM MAD. THERE ARE GOING TO BE ANTS ALL OVER THIS ROOM!!!!!"
Then Wyatt said this, "Well, it's ants or zombies...and right now....I'm thinking no zombie is coming in here."
?
I looked at him like that.
? again.
"Mom. it's like this. Zombies can smell me. I smell good. I know it. I smell like a yummy kid. I've got to cover that smell up. SO, if I keep the room smelling like spoiled and rotten food, than no zombie is going to come up here and eat my brains. And if I have to deal with a little bit of ants in the meantime, so be it."
James just nodded in agreement.
At first I was mesmerized by his gross and creepy brilliance, but I don't want a full scale ant invasion and this kind of behavior is just gross. So I said this.
"So, basically you are too lazy to clean your room. Instead of picking up your crap, you have invented a zombie backstory in order to wow me. You are also hoping that I will be so impressed with your creativity that I just pat you on the back and end up cleaning this up on my own...right?"
Wyatt looked at me.
"Your good mom. Maybe the best. I should have known this wouldn't work."
He shook his head, disappointed in himself...and laying on the drama exceptionally thick.
Then he said, "Come on James, let's clean this up before mom completely loses it. She's close. I can feel it."
It as all I could do to make myself leave that room. I'm sure steam rolled out of my ears.
While I was walking down the hallway I heard Wyatt mutter under his breath, "Sometimes it's hard being a genius."
Ugh.
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