When I was little I remember watching Sally Field, John Malkovich, Ed Harris, and Danny Glover in the movie Places in the Heart. I loved it. There was a lot of pain seeping in throughout that movie. A wife loses her husband, a young man is lynched, married couples forget why they are in love, a family struggles to survive, and everyone depends upon one another - while others are forced to go it alone (or almost alone).
And there is a little girl called Possum (which is just wrong...but whatever).
I'm not quite sure why that movie has always spoken to me, but it has. It sits inside of me, and I can recall so many scenes from it...on a whim.
I guess maybe it haunts me because it's about life. And how life affects all those secret little places in our most powerful muscle. How we are affected by coincidence, circumstance, weather, money...etc. The heart, it seems, cannot escape all of this.
Right now, my heart hurts. It's confused and scared and sad.
I feel a bit like Sally Field did in the movie, after her husband has died and she is trying to figure out how to save her home.
Kind of raw in a way.
I've never moved away from home. I've always been close to my parents and my grandparents, and now that my grandparents are much older I find it even harder to leave.
But "This is Jolene from SWCC and we would like to offer you the position of Full-Time Faculty/English Teacher" happened.
And everything changed.
Suddenly all those little places in my heart, that have been dreadfully silent for many years, revealed themselves to me.
Slowly waking up from an ambien like slumber.
Instantly my heart started beating and my mind raced.
Excited? yes. most definitely.
Scared.
Absolutely.
Hurting? A little bit.
I'm not very good at expressing how I feel or even writing about it.
It's much easier for me to just make people laugh. And to laugh at myself.
I don't cry at funerals, I nervously giggle. Sometimes an extremely loud cackle bursts out of my mouth before I can stop it.
When people are upset, I laugh. I don't know why. It's weird. It's like the places in my heart that store pain away lock up very tight and all that escapes is a gasp...that eventually turns into a chuckle. My brain makes it okay by being a comedian.
I'm excited about my upcoming adventure, but my heart is confused.
it's telling me to stay, while my head says go.
And my gut is being terribly silent.
But I will go, because the places in my heart will soon be quiet and my brain will make it all okay.
And there is a little girl called Possum (which is just wrong...but whatever).
I'm not quite sure why that movie has always spoken to me, but it has. It sits inside of me, and I can recall so many scenes from it...on a whim.
I guess maybe it haunts me because it's about life. And how life affects all those secret little places in our most powerful muscle. How we are affected by coincidence, circumstance, weather, money...etc. The heart, it seems, cannot escape all of this.
Right now, my heart hurts. It's confused and scared and sad.
I feel a bit like Sally Field did in the movie, after her husband has died and she is trying to figure out how to save her home.
Kind of raw in a way.
I've never moved away from home. I've always been close to my parents and my grandparents, and now that my grandparents are much older I find it even harder to leave.
But "This is Jolene from SWCC and we would like to offer you the position of Full-Time Faculty/English Teacher" happened.
And everything changed.
Suddenly all those little places in my heart, that have been dreadfully silent for many years, revealed themselves to me.
Slowly waking up from an ambien like slumber.
Instantly my heart started beating and my mind raced.
Excited? yes. most definitely.
Scared.
Absolutely.
Hurting? A little bit.
I'm not very good at expressing how I feel or even writing about it.
It's much easier for me to just make people laugh. And to laugh at myself.
I don't cry at funerals, I nervously giggle. Sometimes an extremely loud cackle bursts out of my mouth before I can stop it.
When people are upset, I laugh. I don't know why. It's weird. It's like the places in my heart that store pain away lock up very tight and all that escapes is a gasp...that eventually turns into a chuckle. My brain makes it okay by being a comedian.
I'm excited about my upcoming adventure, but my heart is confused.
it's telling me to stay, while my head says go.
And my gut is being terribly silent.
But I will go, because the places in my heart will soon be quiet and my brain will make it all okay.
Comments
Post a Comment