Excuse the Princess Bride reference in the title, but I couldn't help but think that I was indeed headed that direction, when I started my trek to Illinois last Friday. It would seem almost perfect if I could say, "It was a dark and stormy night" in order to set the mood of terror, but instead it was a sunny and blistering hot day - which I guess is equally terrifying (especially because it was 102 degrees here in Iowa).
Everyone was super excited about heading back to Illinois to see daddy and Bella, and when the kids got home from school they practically skipped in the house. "YES! We go HOME today! Let's get this party started!" There were high fives, there were chants of happiness - NO ONE WAS FIGHTING.
I thought to myself, "Well, this is going to be great. This is going to be the best car ride every."
Flash forward to 5:00. We've been in the car for two hours. Violet hasn't stopped talking - NOT ONCE - James has instigated at least 75 knock down drag out fights, Axel has slobbered and slimed Wyatt to the point where Wyatt looks as if he's invested in dippity-doo and just gotten out of the shower, and Maisy is speaking in tongues. I have the car radio turned to 30 and have lost my voice.
What happened, you ask? How can this peaceful group of excited kids turn into such vicious little miscreants?
I'll tell you: 3:30-7:00 at my house is known as the Witching Hour. Yes, it's longer than an hour....but for some reason during that time slot, my children turn into psychos. They burst with crazy energy, live for a good battle (the bloodier the better), and morph into something other than sweet children.
I knew this. I've known this for years. Why I decided to pack them up during this time is beyond me. I truly feel sorry for the dog, he sat in the back of the van with an expression of worry and fatigue - I think that maybe we could have passed as twins.
In order to give you a feel of our trip, see below:
3:31 - Me: Everyone strap in! Let's go! Yeah! (turn on Country Roads by John Denver in order to ensure peace and calm travel mood).
3:34: Me: Violet, DO NOT hit your brother. I don't care if he looked at you, that doesn't mean you can hit him. (turn on classical music in order to ensure tranquility).
3:35-8:00: Violet talks. Talks a blue streak. Doesn't stop. Requires everyone to look at her while she's talking or she rains hell down upon us. "YOU LOOK AT ME! YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK!"
3:45: James: Mom, if you could be anything when you grow up what would it be:
Violet: No! No don't talk to me! Talk to me! Don't talk to me! Give me candy! I need a hug. Don't touch me!
Maisy: And if I look at him just right, I can make him cry.
Wyatt: Maisy, shut up. You're stupid.
Put that on rotation....I swear to God they all said that repeatedly until we got to Farmer City.
By 9:00 I was wearing head phones, crying, had the car stereo turned up to 30, and was thinking of adventurous ways that i could fake my death - I thought that maybe a spectacular car wreck would be impressive...but I only sort of didn't want to injure the kids, so I gave up the plan.
When we pulled into Farmer City at 9:30, I was twitching. Chris ran out and gave me a big hug, and he was crying. He gave me flowers. I just started laughing. I laughed and laughed, the laugh of a crazy person. He continued to hold me but said, "I gotta tell you, you're freaking me out."
The kids practically fell out of the car and started kissing the ground, as if they too were thinking that they would never get out of that van alive.
"WE MADE IT! It was AWFUL! I never want to do that again?"
Holy Cats. Seriously? It was so AWFUL? Then why couldn't you be good!!!!???? Seems like it would have been more pleasant.
They all swarmed together in a group hug "We made it you guys! We made it!" And ran inside...as if I had tormented and tortured them the whole way.
This little band of devils suddenly turned into angels and ran into the house, skipping, laughing, and exclaiming shouts of "I love you!"
Were these the same kids I had been with, not even an hour before, who were out for blood? "If you even come to my side of the van again, I'll cut you! I haven't trimmed my nails ON PURPOSE!"
They are a mystery to me.
Needless to say, I decided to leave at 3:30 am. on Monday....which means they slept for almost the whole trip.
Best day ever.
Everyone was super excited about heading back to Illinois to see daddy and Bella, and when the kids got home from school they practically skipped in the house. "YES! We go HOME today! Let's get this party started!" There were high fives, there were chants of happiness - NO ONE WAS FIGHTING.
I thought to myself, "Well, this is going to be great. This is going to be the best car ride every."
Flash forward to 5:00. We've been in the car for two hours. Violet hasn't stopped talking - NOT ONCE - James has instigated at least 75 knock down drag out fights, Axel has slobbered and slimed Wyatt to the point where Wyatt looks as if he's invested in dippity-doo and just gotten out of the shower, and Maisy is speaking in tongues. I have the car radio turned to 30 and have lost my voice.
What happened, you ask? How can this peaceful group of excited kids turn into such vicious little miscreants?
I'll tell you: 3:30-7:00 at my house is known as the Witching Hour. Yes, it's longer than an hour....but for some reason during that time slot, my children turn into psychos. They burst with crazy energy, live for a good battle (the bloodier the better), and morph into something other than sweet children.
I knew this. I've known this for years. Why I decided to pack them up during this time is beyond me. I truly feel sorry for the dog, he sat in the back of the van with an expression of worry and fatigue - I think that maybe we could have passed as twins.
In order to give you a feel of our trip, see below:
3:31 - Me: Everyone strap in! Let's go! Yeah! (turn on Country Roads by John Denver in order to ensure peace and calm travel mood).
3:34: Me: Violet, DO NOT hit your brother. I don't care if he looked at you, that doesn't mean you can hit him. (turn on classical music in order to ensure tranquility).
3:35-8:00: Violet talks. Talks a blue streak. Doesn't stop. Requires everyone to look at her while she's talking or she rains hell down upon us. "YOU LOOK AT ME! YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK!"
3:45: James: Mom, if you could be anything when you grow up what would it be:
Violet: No! No don't talk to me! Talk to me! Don't talk to me! Give me candy! I need a hug. Don't touch me!
Maisy: And if I look at him just right, I can make him cry.
Wyatt: Maisy, shut up. You're stupid.
Put that on rotation....I swear to God they all said that repeatedly until we got to Farmer City.
By 9:00 I was wearing head phones, crying, had the car stereo turned up to 30, and was thinking of adventurous ways that i could fake my death - I thought that maybe a spectacular car wreck would be impressive...but I only sort of didn't want to injure the kids, so I gave up the plan.
When we pulled into Farmer City at 9:30, I was twitching. Chris ran out and gave me a big hug, and he was crying. He gave me flowers. I just started laughing. I laughed and laughed, the laugh of a crazy person. He continued to hold me but said, "I gotta tell you, you're freaking me out."
The kids practically fell out of the car and started kissing the ground, as if they too were thinking that they would never get out of that van alive.
"WE MADE IT! It was AWFUL! I never want to do that again?"
Holy Cats. Seriously? It was so AWFUL? Then why couldn't you be good!!!!???? Seems like it would have been more pleasant.
They all swarmed together in a group hug "We made it you guys! We made it!" And ran inside...as if I had tormented and tortured them the whole way.
This little band of devils suddenly turned into angels and ran into the house, skipping, laughing, and exclaiming shouts of "I love you!"
Were these the same kids I had been with, not even an hour before, who were out for blood? "If you even come to my side of the van again, I'll cut you! I haven't trimmed my nails ON PURPOSE!"
They are a mystery to me.
Needless to say, I decided to leave at 3:30 am. on Monday....which means they slept for almost the whole trip.
Best day ever.
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