In an effort to allow you to experience the following events in real time, I will be writing in present tense first person. However, you need a preface to fully appreciate the following. So, here are some notes to help you out.
3:00:
Phew, what a long day. I wish I wouldn't have told the kids I'd take them swimming. I'm so tired, and I really need to grade these 60 portfolios and reflections. BUT they want to do something with me so I should go. I'll just hop in the car and drive over to the Y. I'll read in the car.
3:05:
It's hot here in the car, this was a stupid idea. If I get out, I'll see someone though, and I've seen people all day. I don't want to see people anymore. Hey! Gummy bears! I forgot I bought these. I'll just sit here and get fat.
3:20
(David stops by to talk...he suggests maybe he will swim with us, but I talk him out of it)
Thank God I talked him out of it. I mean, David is gay. But I'm not ready for him to see me in a swimsuit. That's something I have to prepare for. Gay men are always physically on point. And I'm fat today. I'll just have another gummy bear.
3:30
Oh! I see the kids! I should get out of the car. Where'd I put my swimsuit? Shit. Is it in the office? Maybe that's a sign! Maybe I shouldn't go swimming, hell. There it is. Damnit.
3:40
I hate this swimsuit. It's supposed to be cute. It's not. What was I thinking? Also, the neckline is like super low. I swear it wasn't that low when I bought it. Why is that happening to me lately. I'm getting older. I can't see anymore. Are those my students life-guarding? Great. Just great. Even better. Ugly swimsuit, students life-guarding, on a day where I'm super fat. Sigh.
(James informs me Wyatt decided to hang with his friends instead of swim, which in hindsight was a good idea)
Well, fine. Sticks me swimming with the little two. What a jerk. Typical Wyatt. Oh well, I'll play.
3:45
Playing sucks. I'm not a mom that plays. Ugh. I just want to swim. I think I'll distract them so I can swim. (has kids start practicing back floats). Sweet, okay. I'm going to just push off the side here and do the backstroke across the pool.
3:46
That was an impressive push off the side! I got so far! Man this water feels good. Too good. Wait. Is my top down?
3:48
SHIT. MY TOP IS DOWN. Quick. Pull it up and look around. Who saw?
3:49
Pretty sure everyone saw. That means my two students, James and Violet. I'm okay with James and Violet seeing me nude, I mean. There is no such thing as privacy in my house, so it's not a thing. However, I'm pretty sure these two students of mine NEVER wanted to see that.
3:50
I can pretty much tell they saw my boobs. They are doing everything in their power to lifeguard while not looking at me right now. Don't make eye contact Kelly, just act like nothing happened.
3:51
I can't do ANYTHING in this swimsuit! Shit! I just tried to glide to the left, and my left boob came right out! Pretty sure my right one made an appearance as well. Violet wants me to throw her. Ha! Yea, that will be funny. Man. The only thing I can do is dead man's float, and even then, I'm pretty sure I'm scandalizing the pool floor.
4:10
For the love of Pete. I want to go home. This is awful. I need to go where I can be mortified.
4:25
I think I have successfully convinced the kids that it's time to go home. Now, where are the towels?
4:30
No. Towels.
4:35
I guess Ill take a shower in my swimsuit, and then dry my hands and text Wyatt to bring me a towel.
4:40
Maybe I'll just try to towel off under this hand dryer.
4:40
THAT IS COLD. Bad idea. Why is the hand dryer cold?
4:41
I'll get my phone and I LEFT MY PHONE IN THE CAR. Well, shit.
4:45
Guess it's just you and me, hand dryer. Yes, Violet! You can do this too. It'll be fun.
4:50
I'm kind of dry. I'll put on my pantsuit now. I hate the way this thing ties, if you aren't careful you'll put the loop right through the neck piece and then BOOM you don't have a top to wear.
4:51
NO FUCKING WAY. I think I'm going to cry too. I'm going to laugh and cry. I'm doing it. I AM DOING IT. THIS IS MY LIFE. THIS. IS. MY. LIFE. HAHAHAHAHAHA/SOBS (this is where I break into hilarious laughter combination sobbing for 10 minutes. Continuous. Violet tells me she's worried about me, but when I tell her what happened she laughs for 10 minutes too).
5:01
HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE? I can't just go out topless!
5:01
Why did I wear an outfit that you can't wear a bra with! I could have faked it with the bra! Pretended like I was high fashion Madonna like. Now all I have are nipple covers, and you can't fake that. That's just weird. It's bad enough that two people just saw my boobs, I don't want the whole YMCA to think I have weird nipples.
5:04
I'll just wing it and kind of layer things. Maybe if I tie the available string around the fabric, I can kind of get it to stay. And then I'll put my jacket on, and THEN my purse. Also, I AM SO WET those hand dryers DO NOT dry your whole body off. So, I guess referring to them as hand-dryers is smart.
5:06
No, Violet. We are not stopping to talk to people, I have to get out of here. I flashed two of my students, dried off with a hand dryer, broke my pantsuit, and am now DANGEROUSLY close to half-way streaking in the Y. My hair is a mess, and I've earned a stress zit.
5:07
I'm going to walk to the van faster than ever. I'll just throw money at the kids, I have $3. That will create a fight, and people will look at them while I run to safety.
5:08
Diversion worked. I'm safely in van, kids are fighting about money in parking lot. I'm pretty sure Violet just told James to "f*ck off" but I don't care right now. I'm safe in the van and not flashing anyone.
5:10
Man, Violet is a bad ass. I cannot believe James even tries to mess with her.
5:11
Finally! On our way home. Oh man, I hope those students don't tell the whole school that they saw my boobs escape. I'm supposed to pick Maisy up at tennis, but I think I'll just go home and come back. I need some functioning clothes. "Can we go to the Y and swim again Thursday?" NO. NO. NO. I need some time to recover.
SIGH.
Happy Finals week!
- I bought a new swimsuit in March, hadn't tried it out in the pool yet
- My children asked me to meet them at the Y after school to Swim today
- I had two finals today, graded two finals so far, and am working on my own schoolwork
- I'm on a new allergy medicine that makes me feel as if I am living in a fog
- This week has been full of emotions (lots of heartfelt goodbyes from students)
- I wore a pantsuit today with a halter, and there is a trick to tying it.
- I have no idea where to find a towel at the Y.
3:00:
Phew, what a long day. I wish I wouldn't have told the kids I'd take them swimming. I'm so tired, and I really need to grade these 60 portfolios and reflections. BUT they want to do something with me so I should go. I'll just hop in the car and drive over to the Y. I'll read in the car.
3:05:
It's hot here in the car, this was a stupid idea. If I get out, I'll see someone though, and I've seen people all day. I don't want to see people anymore. Hey! Gummy bears! I forgot I bought these. I'll just sit here and get fat.
3:20
(David stops by to talk...he suggests maybe he will swim with us, but I talk him out of it)
Thank God I talked him out of it. I mean, David is gay. But I'm not ready for him to see me in a swimsuit. That's something I have to prepare for. Gay men are always physically on point. And I'm fat today. I'll just have another gummy bear.
3:30
Oh! I see the kids! I should get out of the car. Where'd I put my swimsuit? Shit. Is it in the office? Maybe that's a sign! Maybe I shouldn't go swimming, hell. There it is. Damnit.
3:40
I hate this swimsuit. It's supposed to be cute. It's not. What was I thinking? Also, the neckline is like super low. I swear it wasn't that low when I bought it. Why is that happening to me lately. I'm getting older. I can't see anymore. Are those my students life-guarding? Great. Just great. Even better. Ugly swimsuit, students life-guarding, on a day where I'm super fat. Sigh.
(James informs me Wyatt decided to hang with his friends instead of swim, which in hindsight was a good idea)
Well, fine. Sticks me swimming with the little two. What a jerk. Typical Wyatt. Oh well, I'll play.
3:45
Playing sucks. I'm not a mom that plays. Ugh. I just want to swim. I think I'll distract them so I can swim. (has kids start practicing back floats). Sweet, okay. I'm going to just push off the side here and do the backstroke across the pool.
3:46
That was an impressive push off the side! I got so far! Man this water feels good. Too good. Wait. Is my top down?
3:48
SHIT. MY TOP IS DOWN. Quick. Pull it up and look around. Who saw?
3:49
Pretty sure everyone saw. That means my two students, James and Violet. I'm okay with James and Violet seeing me nude, I mean. There is no such thing as privacy in my house, so it's not a thing. However, I'm pretty sure these two students of mine NEVER wanted to see that.
3:50
I can pretty much tell they saw my boobs. They are doing everything in their power to lifeguard while not looking at me right now. Don't make eye contact Kelly, just act like nothing happened.
3:51
I can't do ANYTHING in this swimsuit! Shit! I just tried to glide to the left, and my left boob came right out! Pretty sure my right one made an appearance as well. Violet wants me to throw her. Ha! Yea, that will be funny. Man. The only thing I can do is dead man's float, and even then, I'm pretty sure I'm scandalizing the pool floor.
4:10
For the love of Pete. I want to go home. This is awful. I need to go where I can be mortified.
4:25
I think I have successfully convinced the kids that it's time to go home. Now, where are the towels?
4:30
No. Towels.
4:35
I guess Ill take a shower in my swimsuit, and then dry my hands and text Wyatt to bring me a towel.
4:40
Maybe I'll just try to towel off under this hand dryer.
4:40
THAT IS COLD. Bad idea. Why is the hand dryer cold?
4:41
I'll get my phone and I LEFT MY PHONE IN THE CAR. Well, shit.
4:45
Guess it's just you and me, hand dryer. Yes, Violet! You can do this too. It'll be fun.
4:50
I'm kind of dry. I'll put on my pantsuit now. I hate the way this thing ties, if you aren't careful you'll put the loop right through the neck piece and then BOOM you don't have a top to wear.
4:51
NO FUCKING WAY. I think I'm going to cry too. I'm going to laugh and cry. I'm doing it. I AM DOING IT. THIS IS MY LIFE. THIS. IS. MY. LIFE. HAHAHAHAHAHA/SOBS (this is where I break into hilarious laughter combination sobbing for 10 minutes. Continuous. Violet tells me she's worried about me, but when I tell her what happened she laughs for 10 minutes too).
5:01
HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE? I can't just go out topless!
5:01
Why did I wear an outfit that you can't wear a bra with! I could have faked it with the bra! Pretended like I was high fashion Madonna like. Now all I have are nipple covers, and you can't fake that. That's just weird. It's bad enough that two people just saw my boobs, I don't want the whole YMCA to think I have weird nipples.
5:04
I'll just wing it and kind of layer things. Maybe if I tie the available string around the fabric, I can kind of get it to stay. And then I'll put my jacket on, and THEN my purse. Also, I AM SO WET those hand dryers DO NOT dry your whole body off. So, I guess referring to them as hand-dryers is smart.
5:06
No, Violet. We are not stopping to talk to people, I have to get out of here. I flashed two of my students, dried off with a hand dryer, broke my pantsuit, and am now DANGEROUSLY close to half-way streaking in the Y. My hair is a mess, and I've earned a stress zit.
5:07
I'm going to walk to the van faster than ever. I'll just throw money at the kids, I have $3. That will create a fight, and people will look at them while I run to safety.
5:08
Diversion worked. I'm safely in van, kids are fighting about money in parking lot. I'm pretty sure Violet just told James to "f*ck off" but I don't care right now. I'm safe in the van and not flashing anyone.
5:10
Man, Violet is a bad ass. I cannot believe James even tries to mess with her.
5:11
Finally! On our way home. Oh man, I hope those students don't tell the whole school that they saw my boobs escape. I'm supposed to pick Maisy up at tennis, but I think I'll just go home and come back. I need some functioning clothes. "Can we go to the Y and swim again Thursday?" NO. NO. NO. I need some time to recover.
SIGH.
Happy Finals week!
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